3.4 Writing Folio- Chapter One

1

“Joyous Morning!” chirped the guard at every passerby. 
As Arthur ambled to work, he craned his neck back so his face was bathed in the early sunlight that barely peeked over the rooftops. The sky above the town was the same as usual. Cerulean. However, today something was amiss; in the distance, there were smatterings of thin clouds, like healing wounds. Velvety and sanguine-shaded. He felt the warmth and morning rays soak into his paper-white skin, deepening the brown constellation on the bridge of his nose. Pausing for a moment, he looked all around him to admire the quaint pastel-coloured buildings of the town that he felt privileged to call home. The soft smell of baked goods filled the bumpy cobblestone streets. There were no vehicles on them, of course, not during the day. Arthur liked it that way. It let the sound of idle chatter and laughter satisfy the air. He breathed deeply through his nose, letting the crisp fresh air wake his lungs and agreed silently to himself that indeed, it was a joyous morning. Smiling with the general contentment he feels every day, Arthur took one last moment to appreciate his surroundings, and finally went on his merry way.
The black sign sticking out the side of the building had faded and cracked in a way where you could see the pale pine beneath. It read Felix’s Mood Boosters written in what is assumed to be once glossy gold paint. Unlike the sign, however, the building it was attached to was clean and new but still retained an antique charm. The white bricks were thoroughly polished, the auburn tiles on the roof and dormers were spotless like freshly groomed hair straight out the barbers. The gutters held not one stray leaf. It seemed like every property in Pembroke was well taken care of, though Arthur wasn’t so sure he’d ever seen anyone cleaning them. 
There was a small chalkboard placed near the foot of the door of Arthur’s workplace. This morning it had ‘Don’t forget your Joy!’ beautifully inscribed in cursive, likely the handiwork of one his female coworkers, Arthur thought. Bending his legs slightly to fit his tall, lanky body under the doorframe, he entered the reception and was met by Samuel, a jolly man who was as fat as Arthur is tall. Arthur wondered how Samuel got through the door, perhaps he had to turn sideways…
“Joyous Morning, Arthur! How are ya today? Didya see the sign outside? Did it meself, the wife’s got me practising fancy writin’ like that. What’d ya fink?” Samuel greeted, he almost turned himself blue with excitement.
“Good morning. I’m well, although I must admit a bit tired. Your cursive is wonderful, let Maggie know she’s a great teacher.”
“Course, I will. Make sure you ‘ave a Joy if ya feeling sleepy. Wouldn’t want ya falling asleep on the job, would we?”
“No, no of course not…” Arthur trailed off while Samuel chuckled. He wondered back to the last time he had taken his Joy. It must have been at least three days now. Of course, he hadn’t meant to let time slip away, but work had just been so busy with supply issues. There had been a mix up at the production plant where some ninny added too much of this and not enough of that. The whole batch for the week had to be chucked.
“Right then-” Samuel huffed. “I’ll leave ya to it.” and he promptly plopped back down behind the reception counter. While pulling his pinstripe suit snuggly around his thin body, Arthur firmly nodded and vowed to pop a Joy by the end of the day.

From the second-floor window, it showed the rooftops, busy streets and the sliver of green from the fields just beyond the walls. Arthur never cared to know what was out there, never thought he needed to. Despite this, he slouched, absentmindedly tracing his finger along with the thin detailing of the desk while staring intently at the unknown distance until his eyes watered. Forcefully blinking, Arthur composed himself and wiped away the trail of lazy dribble that was creeping its way down his chin. He turned his attention back to the ever-growing summit of paper when a groan sneaked out from his lips. His wide eyes shot up to where the door stood and waited expectedly for something. A few minutes must have passed before he allowed himself to release the air trapped in his throat.
“What’s gotten into me today?” He whispered. Brow furrowed, Arthur stood up and made his way toward the bathroom.
He cupped his hands around the stream of cold water and brought it up to his face, letting the chill embrace his skin. With hands firmly clasped around the basin he looked up to meet his gaze in the mirror but he found himself looking at an unsightly stranger. This stranger had large purple bags under his eyes, so packed you’d think they were going on a lengthy holiday. Their teeth rotten and their flesh scabbed. Arthur recoiled so that his back hit the tile wall. With a heart and head pounding so strong it rattled his fragile frame he scrambled out into the hall. In the short time he’d spent in the bathroom the wallpaper peeled, the carpet stained, spotted black mould clung to the roof and the stench- The stench was so unbearable it brought Arthur to his knees.
“Alright, mate?” A voice questioned, “Ya lookin’ a wee bit peaky.” Arthur looked up desperately, expecting to see Samuel’s familiar face but was instead met by a contorted guise. He had wide eyes and a crooked grin filled with a few stained teeth where the gaps were replaced with loose gore.
“What’s happening?” Arthur asked frantically. He felt his whole body begin to sweat.
“What are ya on about?” His head tilted slightly to the left and the smile refused to falter “Er’rything’s fine.” Samuel reached into his tattered jacket pocket and pulled out a small metal cylinder. “Here, ‘ave one of me Joys” He grasped Arthur’s hand and firmly planted a yellow capsule in the middle of his palm. Shyly, Arthur fiddled with the pill, rolling it around between his index finger and thumb. He had taken at least one Joy a day for as long as he could remember without issue, to him it was as routine as eating. So why, Arthur wondered, was he struggling this time? Especially with his blissful world decaying around him. Samuel stood there expectedly, waiting for his gift to be appreciated and Arthur believing there were no other options brought the sunshine pill to his lips.

One Reply to “3.4 Writing Folio- Chapter One”

  1. Hi Tess,

    As I’d mentioned I would, I asked Ms Bagley to read this to help me develop some constructive feedback. She made the following observations:

    1) The pace of progression in the piece may be a little too slow to maintain the reader’s interest. Work to make sure that you balance the crafting of a strong sense of place with the introduction of enough new material/action/ideas to keep the tension building.

    2) Ensure each sentence gives rise to the next. Consider what link there is between the information in one sentence, and how this naturally leads to what comes next. Ensure you’re using complex sentence structures (think about the relative clauses we studied in class) to build a relationship between the different elements of the setting that you’re describing.

    3) When writing is strong, like this, we also like to ask you to interrogate every word, punctuation choice, grammatical formula for how it adds to the piece – either by moving it forward or contributing to a coherent whole.

    We both really look forward to reading the final, crafted piece.

    CW + GB

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